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Testimonials
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> Ministry
> The Dying Process
> Bereavement
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> Personal Transformation
Graceful Passages in Health Professions
Those of us working in the field of end-of-life care are
often frustrated by the
limited expertise available to assist people
with the emotional, psychological and spiritual challenges
that an expected dying represents. Even in clinical settings
in which
sophisticated symptom management is available, these deeply
personal aspects of dying are often neglected; that is, unless
the person's
distress reaches disruptive or psychiatric proportions.
Graceful
Passages is a unique resource for people who are facing the
prospect of dying. This CD makes the wisdom of experienced
clinicians, counselors and spiritual advisors available to
anyone
who is confronting life's end, either themselves or within
their circle of family and friends. In contrast to our
medical response
to people who are dying, the listener's feelings need not
be pathologic before Graceful Passages would have value,
nor must
this soothing resource be prescribed. Instead, Graceful Passages
offers anticipatory guidance that is appropriate for anyone
who is interested in exploring their personal mortality.
Having listened
to the CD, I can attest to the power of the words and music
to comfort, build confidence and connect listeners with
their own
inner wisdom.
Together, Michael Stillwater & Gary Malkin embody
an integration of musical prowess (in both composition and
performance) and
a working knowledge of intra-personal dynamics related to
illness and loss. These qualities have been richly applied
in conceiving,
editing and producing Graceful Passages. The resulting combination
of tone and text is at once authentic and aesthetic.
Ira Byock,
M.D.
Author, Dying Well Director of the Palliative Care
Service in Missoula, Montana
Director of the Robert Wood
Johnson Foundation National Program Office, Promoting
Excellence
in End-of-Life Care Past president of the American Academy
of Hospice & Palliative Medicine
· · · · · · · · · ·
I am a Music Practitioner, using music at
the beside of the sick and dying. I listen to it often as
an inspirational
tool. Last week I left the music-alone CD at a clients home
that
was nearing death. I trusted that the CD would "hold" her
while I couldn't be there. The staff said they loved it and
the client told me with body language that it was just right
for
her. So I am using Graceful Passages actively. I also have
used the musical passages for working with children in an
improvisational manner.
J.C.
· · · · · · · · · · We are using Graceful Passages, especially at our hospice residence,
Lakeview Home. The music has been very healing and soothing.
Visitors and loved ones find it particularly soothing, allowing
them to be more comfortable in the presence of dying persons.
We are also using it consistently with people who are actively
dying to provide sacred space, and with our residents who have
been confused.....it seems to calm them down quite a bit.
Suzi Johnson
Vice President Sharp Hospice Care,
San Diego
· · · · · · · · · ·
I received
Graceful Passages as a gift from the director of our Improving
Care through the End of Life program. I use the
CDs in various ways, all of them to help center and bring me
back to where I want to be. I keep them in my car, as that's
where I use them the most.
When I'm traveling to work, and home
life has been frazzling for one reason or another, I listen
to the music CD, to bring
me back from my "monkey mind", so that I can arrive "clear" and
ready to attend to work. It is a kind of “driving meditation”.
I also use it as I return home and have hit horrendous traffic
and nasty drivers.
When I'm traveling to a training, and my mind
is going over what needs to be done… “did the catering/AV stuff
arrive? will the room be set up? will the speakers arrive? will
the volunteers arrive? etc.”, I listen to the first CD,
with all the various speakers, to remind me who I want to be,
and what SPIRIT I want to convey and teach. It reminds me that
it does not matter if all that stuff I was worrying about really
does fall apart, as long as even one volunteer and one trainer
are together, the training will take place and be effective and
worthwhile. The rest is just form, not substance. I'd like to
try having the music CD on as the trainees arrive, and see what
effect that has on the spirit of the room and subsequent training.
I
think I love Graceful Passages because it is a very gentle tool
to help me remember and regain my spirit. In the middle
of negative energy (mine or others), the CDs are a tonic, and
a very effective antidote to bring me back to a place of peace
and compassion. They are probably the gift I've used more than
any other!
Nicole de Recat
Volunteer Coordinator Improving Care
through the End of Life Franciscan Health System Tacoma,
Washington
· · · · · · · · · ·
On May 4,
2001, the San Diego Hospice staff had the privilege of meeting
and being touched by the music of Michael Stillwater.
Afterward, he was invited to play for patients and families in
the Living Room area of the Inpatient Care Center, and privately
for two patients at their bedside. What happened next was profound.
The
first patient, Carl, was actively dying and on a morphine
drip. His wife and daughter were in the room receiving a massage
and acupuncture treatment while overlooking the sun-drenched
valley. The social worker was sitting at the bedside. Michael
began playing his guitar, softly singing.
Just three days before,
Carl had called San Diego Hospice from a cremation facility.
He was in pain and was contemplating suicide.
An RN and social worker were sent out immediately and Carl was
quickly admitted onto the hospice program and into our Inpatient
Care Center. Being a hospice nurse myself for over 12 years,
I was moved to tears as I witnessed this patient and family receiving
Integrative Palliative Care. The powerful combination of music,
morphine, acupuncture and social work support created an incredible
healing experience.
Had Stanley not reached out and made that
phone call, he would have missed a profound experience that transpired
in the room
that day; the gift of peace, love, and healing.
The second patient
Michael visited, Sara, was also actively dying. Michael began
playing his guitar as he sang to her. Her
eyes were closed and tears streamed down her cheeks. When Michael
finished playing, there was a moment of silence. He then asked
her permission to play a segment from the CD, Graceful Passages.
Sara nodded.
As the music began, the patient’s son walked into the
room. He paused, listened for a few moments, then walked over
to his mother’s bedside, pulled down the side-rail, and
gently climbed into bed with her. They both wept as they embraced,
listening to the simple yet profound message from the CD selection.
Michael suggested a second, calming piece. Accompanied by beautiful
music, the Featured Productss began, “You are returning to the
Source. Like a flowing stream moving into ocean..” I myself
softly cried as the whole experience was so touching. By the
end of the recording, the patient opened her eyes, looked up
at Michael and whispered, “ Thank you”, only this
time she added, “I’m not afraid anymore.”
As Michael and I walked out of the room, I was left with an
indescribable feeling in my heart. I was amazed at the power
of the music and it’s healing ability for patients and
their families going through transition in their lives. (names
are changed)
Joan Grinzi, RN
San Diego Hospice
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Graceful Passages in Ministry
In my ministry as a hospice chaplain,
I offer support to people during a deeply profound time in
their lives as they make the
transition into death. People often reflect upon the significance
of their lives, grapple with the grief and sadness of letting
go of this life, as well as moments of immense joy as they
remember all that has been good and hold onto their deepest convictions
and beliefs.
As my own spirits have been in need of support
as I care for others, I have been blessed with the beautiful music
and messages
of Graceful Passages. As I listen to both the profound words
and the sacred nature of the majestic musical arrangements, I
feel embraced by the “Other” and experience a sense
of the Holy in our midst. I am reminded of all that is good as
well as our connection to each other and all of life.
Graceful
Passages was particularly soothing to me shortly after I learned
of my own younger sister’s end-stage cancer diagnosis.
The messages of love, grace, and divine mystery reminded me of
what was most important in my own life, as I focused on my personal
grief and joy regarding my sister and all she has meant to our
family. I am tremendously grateful to Michael Stillwater and
Gary Remal Malkin for having the heart, wisdom, and graciousness
to produce these inspirational and healing messages and music
to soothe and awaken our souls.
Rev. Deanna M. Euritt
Spiritual
Services Manager,
Hospice of Marin
· · · · · · · · · ·
I want to thank you for this wonderful resource. I am a trainer
of volunteers for May's Place, a free standing hospice in Vancouver's
Downtown Eastside (which is Canada's poorest neighborhood). I
do a workshop for new volunteers called the "Volunteer Experience".
I use selections from your Featured Products CD as transition pieces
between the different areas of the workshop. I also read aloud
selections. These are all very moving and the new volunteers
really like them. I use the music CD as meditation music before
and after the workshop.
Stuart Mackinnon
Vancouver Canada
I met Monique when her Doctor gave her the “bad news” that
her cancer had spread and that she would be needing support from
our ‘ Improving Care through the End of Life’ program
until a Hospice referral was appropriate. Though enamored at
first with her French accent, I soon became impressed with Monique's
acceptance of her terminal diagnosis and ability to plan for
the rest of her life.
It actually took two years for Monique to
die, during which time she became my friend. Over the months
we met for lunch,
tea, and eventually even an occasional glass of wine and dinner.
Our conversations always started with the health issue at hand,
but quickly went deeper into the transition for which she was
preparing. Monique taught me many things; while learning from
her, I helped bridge a network of community services that supported
her and her family until her death.
During the many conversations
about dying, more about living came to light. Though not religious,
Monique was a deeply spiritual
woman who had a beautiful perspective on dying.
She wanted and
was granted the joy of holding her first grandchild. She wanted
and was granted the presence of her two adult children– both
highly intelligent, multi-lingual, educated in Europe during
her days with the Foreign Service, they were deeply thoughtful
and caring individuals. She wanted them there, but didn’t
want to be a burden to them or to her loving partner, Doug.
She
wanted it to go fast. It didn’t. Yet her transition
from living to dying was a lesson for us all– we all learned
to just be.
To help the transition, I gave Monique and her daughter,
Elaine, the book and two CD’s entitled “Graceful Passages.” Monique
liked the music, not caring for the spoken messages. Elaine loved
the messages as well as the music, using it daily in her 45 minute
drive to and from home to her dying mother’s bedside. Elaine
often spoke of the value of the music and the words and how they
helped her cope with the realization that she was going to lose
her mother.
As a caregiver, the Graceful Passages gave me a tool
to share with these dear people. I was glad to have something
to offer
them that was bigger than just words and more than just music.
I like the richness of the offerings drawn from many faiths.
I especially like “ Letting Yourself be Loved” by
Lew Epstein and how he uses the word “Farewell” – not
goodbye– but fare…well. For that is how I now imagine
Monique – faring well amongst the heavenly grandness.
Georganne Trandum
Director Improving Care through the End
of Life Franciscan Health System
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Graceful Passages in the Dying Process
Graceful Passages was
used next to my father's bed while he was leaving. We had just
heard the music portion, and then we
were listening to the "passages" portion. They had
just said that "You are becoming one with the Source, and
moving into the Light". This is when he took his last
breath. I have donated a copy of the set to the Hospice group.
Your timing
was wonderful. Hospice professionals have never heard of something
so profound! B.P.
The first time that I heard the Graceful Passages
CD was at a business conference that both Gary Malkin and I
were at. Gary
put the book with the CD in my hand and said take a listen to
this and let me know what you think. That night I played it as
I was going to sleep. I lay there in the quiet and as the music
and the words began to wash over me they entered my heart with
such certainty that I began to weep. It was a knowing that at
the end of my life there awaited a transition that would be filled
with love and a returning to the source. It was an embrace of
my living. Some of the passages spoke the words that I had left
un-spoken.
I had no idea at the time how important this knowing
would become over the next year.
My mother had gone through
a triple bi-pass surgery two years before and we knew that her
time here was short. I wanted to
reach out to her and support her in what was to eventually become
her transition. I wanted to connect to her in a way that would
let her know that it was going to be okay. It was not an easy
subject to approach, as our family never participated in any
religious belief systems or spoke of death being anything other
than a complete and final end. How could I speak to her then?
I sat with her one night and put on the Graceful Passages CD.
We sat there in her home and as we listened to the CD there was
a mutual calm and peace. She thanked me for sharing it with her.
She
had been experiencing angina, which can be very painful and
it was finally decided that a second operation would be attempted
in order to increase blood flow to the heart. She had a very
difficult recovery and six weeks after the surgery it was evident
that she was again experiencing angina. She was in and out of
the emergency room every week.
My sister called me on a Sunday
morning and asked that I come up, as Mom was not doing well at
all. She was very weak and on
morphine to help with the pain. I made plans to be there for
several days just in case. Over the next few days it became apparent
that she would probably not be leaving the hospital. On Tuesday
evening I once again played the Graceful Passages CD for her.
I placed headphones on her as she lay there with the monitors
blinking and beeping. She was going in and out as the morphine
kept the pain as bay. She would look up and say, “Is that
too loud”…or “that’s nice”. I held
her hand and prayed that she would be ready and complete for
her passing.
It was a way for me to be there with her and to be
part of her preparation for the transition. It is my hope that
the music
and the words served as a comfort to her as a knowing that her
family, her life, her time of passing…all of it was as
it should be and that it was okay to just let go.
It is observed
that the body in preparation for dying stops desiring food. My
mother was now going through this phase. As
I sat there with her listening to the CD a sense of peace rolled
through me. Two days later as she passed on I was able to be
there with her. I was watching the heart monitor and suddenly
the heart rate began to slow down. There was no turning back.
This was it. As she left the emotions were flying, yet in that
moment as I think back on it I think of it as one the most beautiful
moments that I have experienced. The birth of my children and
the passing of my mother will remain as powerful and beautiful
moments in my life.
I am very thankful to having been introduced
to Graceful Passages. Not only has it given me insight into my
own journey here but
it has also helped in so many ways with passage of my own mother.
It gave me a way to share with her in her time of transition.
For
her memorial, I ordered enough of the Graceful Passages books
and CD’s to be handed out to those who came. I closed
the ceremony reading from the book my favorite passage with the
music playing in the background. In the middle of the reading
there was a hawk soaring overhead that cried out. For all who
were there it was completion and a farewell.
In providing the
guests with Graceful Passages it is my hope that it will be a
bridge, a connection, between their ongoing
life and my mothers death. They now have what was the last music
that she listened to before leaving. I am grateful for having
a ‘tool’ such as Graceful Passages that so eloquently
seeded the emotional field across the whole process. My deepest
thanks go out the people who put their very souls into this work.
If you have an opportunity to experience this powerful work I
hope that you will find it as transformative as I have. And if
you have the opportunity to share it with someone you love that
is passing…may you find it a bridge…
T.C.
· · · · · · · · · ·
I am often contacted to facilitate a person's
passing, most often those I do not know personally. About
3 weeks ago, just
after I returned from D.C., an old friend -- Josie -- (known
her for 15 years, she 48) who had been diagnosed with Stage
3A lung CA a year before, entered the hospital with a high
fever
and difficulty breathing. She had a 12" tumor occupying
most of her right lung, collapsed, and her children (aged 11,13,15
and 24) brought her into emergency. Her husband died 3 years
ago from liver cancer, aged 52.
Chaotic scene, to say the least,
as she was clearly in final stages with no one talking about
it. Her only sister, 45 or 46,
called me as she knew we had been close, and the kids were
friends with my kids. I spent the next 5 days sorting things
out for
them, including moving her to a hospice floor, changing pain
meds, etc. Many sessions with the kids who basically understood,
but didn't want to be with what was happening. Her parents,
old Italian immigrants, were also present, "Grandma" sitting
bedside throughout day and night, weeping. Grandpa very clear,
reserved, deep, knew what was up, and accepted, with faith,
what would soon occur.
As days passed, the sister and kids began to
entertain no less than 60 cousins, aunts and uncles -- everyone
slowly came to
say hi/goodbye after Josie was moved to a hospice unit, now pain
free but still feeding herself and feisty. I then instructed
the sister in how to be with Josie as she passed, holding her
properly, etc., arranging also for each child to have some private,
peaceful time as the end drew near. This involved sending grandma
home for a shower, having kids take grandpa for an errand, etc.
It
was then that I gave the sister the Graceful Passages CDs,
telling her to listen to it at home, both music and message,
and suggested she consider playing the music for Josie in a
day
or two, to get used to the soothing energies it contained.
I had listened to it in "scan" mode and was convinced
it would be very helpful. A day passed, during which Josie
and her kids and family worked through piles of unfinished
business,
and on a Sunday afternoon (10 days ago) I met with Josie at
5:00 in the afternoon, she very present, coherent. I encouraged
her
to trust the beautiful process now unfolding, to give and receive
love from her family around her, to let go gently. I told her
I thought some music would help -- she agreed, and welcomed
it. There was a Narada meditation CD in the player, which I
switched
on when I left the hospital at 6:00 that evening. I was prepared
to return the next morning to work further with her family
as needed, though I was complete that the transition could
come
at any moment. I telephoned the hospital the next morning to
see how her night had gone, and was told she had passed at
5:00 AM.
A few hours after I left, Josie coughed up quite a lot of
blood, setting off more difficulty breathing, requiring more
medication
to calm her. Her immediate family was notified, and one by
one they arrived, between 9 and 1 AM, as she became more labored
in her breathing though still very present. Carla, Josie's
sister
who had the CD and felt comfortable with the family gathering
'round, put the music CD on the player in the room at about
1:30 am resulting in a " big shift of energy among all of us" she
said. Spellbound, they all asked that it be played again, 15
relatives, all the kids, sister, brother, spouses and their
kids, grandpa (father) and grandma (her mother). Carla, having
listened
to the words on the 2nd CD as well, put on the 'Messages' CD,
and as it played again, Josie slowly let go over the hour.
She passed, peacefully, conscious, 1 minute after the end of
the
CD. The family all had enormous praise for the work, especially
the father (he's 82) who said it was the most beautiful music
he has ever heard.
Over the next 5 days, until the funeral and
burial, my wife and I revisited the CD, parts and pieces at a
time, and a few
times as a whole. I will let her write to you, as a musician
and composer, from her own perspective. I will say, from my own
feelings, that I believe you have assembled a work of extraordinary
beauty and gentle strength of purpose. As a student of the I
Ching for 35 years, and familiar with the many translations that
exist, I can say that there are hundreds of I Chings out there
but only a few that serve as oracles, that is, only a few translations
convey the magic and transcendent nature of the original. In
this way, I can also say that there are lots of beautiful songs
out there, symphonic works and romantic melodies, but what you
have created is simply out of this world. There is a quality
in listening to the entire work that carries you away, ready
to let go, to surrender to the Divine. I am carried away from
what I know (a lyric from one of my wife's songs) and taken willingly.
I
thank you, with great respect, and am hopeful that receiving
this detailed reporting of the events of this past 10 days will
in some way acknowledge your graceful presence in the passing
of a friend. I am not surprised at all it happened this way,
as so often people leave The Passage and return to a family or
friend in need. To you, I bow, deeply, in gratitude, looking
forward to our paths crossing soon again.
W.S.
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Graceful Passages in Bereavement and Grief
To those of you
who care:
I am a bereavement counselor and have used numerous
healing and meditating tapes for myself and clients over 20 years.
However,
I have never heard anything close to the healing power of Graceful
Passages. I have used it with many clients who are both in grief
from dying themselves to those who have had someone die. It is
equally effective for groups or individuals.
However, the most
important aspect of this CD is that it is healing for anyone.
We all carry our own pain and burdens and
this CD has the grace and power to heal those wounds. I recommend
it to everyone across demographics. I also challenge any individual
to listen to it and not feel changed. What a loving effort was
put together by this team, Companion Arts!! You will hear the
truth of these statements as you listen to it.
Sincerely, Janna A. Excell, M.Ed. Bereavement Counselor,
Tucson
· · · · · · · · · ·
I received my copy of 'Graceful Passages' yesterday. After
reading through the book I went directly to listen to the music.
I was
drawn into a soothing calmness with each of the expertly performed
pieces. But when I went back to listen to the music with the
messages, I was struck with such emotion that it brought tears
of joy to my eyes and heart. I have never before been so moved
by narrative music. The messages touched on so many aspects
of my feelings when my mother passed away 2 years ago, that
I can
now finally start to grieve. The pain has been somewhat lifted
and I plan to use this on a regular basis. J.F.
I would like
to sent a special thanks for sending me the CD set of Graceful
Passages, it really helped. I may have cried
when I listened, but It gave me an inner peace with all that
was happening around me. May the good Lord Bless and keep you
all.
Willie Mae Graham
· · · · · · · · · ·
This is one of the most comforting and beautiful collections
of music and verse I have ever heard. My mother recently transitioned
into Spirit, and this album gives me daily solace and peace.
I recommend it for anyone facing their own passing into Spirit,
and for anyone who has lost a loved one. It will bring peace.
A listener from Potomac Falls, VA
· · · · · · · · · ·
...Graceful Passages found its way to my heart today pain
all around, every image, every metaphor An invitation to graceful
passage whole, complete, perfection... Blessed be & continued
graceful creations and passings...
S. K.
· · · · · · · · · ·
Dad made his transition a few hours ago. We have all had a
chance to realize our own surrender to the dying process. In
doing so, I sense we co-created a stronger family bond as well
as a deepening of the knowledge of who we are. And, I believe
we will all cope better over the next few weeks. My mother
started sleeping properly after listening to Graceful Passages.
This
was about 9 or 10 days ago. A few other people in the hospital,
mainly staff that were attending, got to hear certain passages
and everyone who did, expressed an uplifting.
I want to sincerely
thank you for your gift of Graceful Passages to this planet.
This is truly a remarkable work and it has left
a solid mark on my life and uplifted many of the members of my
family at an important time.
B.C.
· · · · · · · · · ·
The precious gift of Graceful Passages has given me hope and
helped transform my life, giving me reason to live. Having spent
3 months in trauma therapy, and being suicidal for 9 months (after
the drowning death of my son), I had reached such depths of despair
and sorrow that I could not find a glimmer of hope. The joy of
finding this resource has changed my life. I now participate
in and facilitate several healing and grief groups, and endeavor
to pass this gift to others. The response is absolutely overwhelming
and touches my soul with such gratitude.
C. H.
· · · · · · · · · ·
My mother Selma made her passage to the other side 11 days
ago. During the months leading up to her passage and the
time since,
I've also been in another realm, as I'm sure you know quite
well. After hearing of your wonderful gift to the world on
Yom Kippur,
I immediately ordered a Graceful Passages 10-pack, which I
have since given away.
Although my mother was a bit too far
gone to consciously understand
the music, my hope is that on some level, she got it. It's a
different story for me. Graceful Passages has been a constant
companion to me during the last several months. It has opened
me, comforted me and moved me to where I needed to go. The music
is on right now as I write. It will continue to be the soundtrack
of my life for quite some time.
Thank you, thank you, thank you
for your wonderful contribution to my life and the entire
world.
D.R.
· · · · · · · · · ·
I lost my brother Ron to cancer on January 15, 2001. He
had just turned 40 years old on January 1st. Ron and I were
not just
brothers, we were truly best friends. We shared our love for
the outdoors - fishing and hunting, and went on annual camping
trips to Burney, CA. We also shared a love for Harley Davidson
Motorcycles and went on many trips, including twice to Sturgis,
South Dakota.
Ron's death has left a void in my life that can
never be filled. We did everything together, and talked to
each other every day.
I miss him so terribly! Due to the love and compassion of my
wife and friends like Jeanette at the Centre for Living With
Dying, I am beginning to get over the pain and come to terms
with Ron's death.
Jeanette and I were brought together by my employer
to do some one on one training. In our first session together
Jeanette made
the point that as time went on I would always grieve for Ron
in my heart but that I would make the conscious decision to not
suffer any longer. Through our weekly meetings Jeanette helped
me through my deep despair with her compassion and genuine warmth.
When
she gave me your Graceful Passages CD I thought I would break
down right there in the office. I can't put into words
the comfort that listening to the CD brings me. I really love
all the passages but am especially partial to Letting Yourself
Be Loved by Lew Epstein, Walk On by Jyoti and Unconditional Love
by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. I just wanted you to know how very
comforting this CD has been to me in this time of grief. Listening
to it reminds me that Ron is in Heaven with our Father and that
we will be together again when God calls me home. God Bless you
for this wonderful gift.
D.B.
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Graceful Passages in Memorial Services
Let
me honor the divine power that I have personally witnessed come
out of Graceful Passages. Not only have I thoroughly enjoyed
multiple listening of the music and spoken wisdom but I have
also experienced great healing within myself and with my family.
My
grandfather recently passed on. I took the gift book with me
to New York to offer it's gifts of healing to my parents,
particularly my father who was dealing with the loss of his own
father. My father is a Methodist Minister. He is a man who tries
to shoulder the pain and suffering of others, often, I believe,
at the expense of his own being. Throughout the family's grieving
he was always there to be of loving support for them, concerned
for their well being. And I don't think he ever took time for
himself to truly feel the loss. He told me he had listened to
the music and Featured Products in his meditation and had decided to
listen to it while writing the eulogy for his father.
Two days
later I saw my father walk to the podium in this small upstate
New York church prepared to read what he had wrote. It
was a great celebration of his father; some funny stories, and
some touching moments of fatherly advise and care. And in the
end he read the words from Lew Epstein. I saw my father cry for
the first time in my life. It is something I will always cherish.
Not because I saw the mortality of my father, but because, for
a moment, I saw some heavy weight drop off from this man that
I love.
Since the service I have shared the tender music with
my mother as well and it continues to heal. Thank you so much.
P.J.
This is the story of the weekend in which we honored the
lives of 30 of my brother's long-term employees. The corporation
he
founded is based in Washington D.C. with a satellite office on
an upper floor of the World Trade Center.
The company was founded
in the summer of 1985 with my brother's dreams, imagination and
passion to bring peace and economic prosperity
to the poorer nations of the world. On Friday, September 21st,
he rented buses to bring down the family members of the 30 co-workers
who lost their lives in the World Trade Center. The next day
we held a memorial service for them, which helped me to heal
as well. What follows is the story of that day.
WHEN THE PAIN DOESN'T END
It is better to light just one little
candle Than to stumble in the dark. Better far that you
light just one little candle.
All you need is a tiny spark. If we all say a prayer for
the world to be one What a wonderful dawn of a new day we'd
see
And if everyone lit just one little candle What a bright
world this
would be.
C.&E. Issillio copyright ASCAP Music 1978.
I played
this song at the beginning on my guitar as people entered
the room and took their seats, each lighting their own candles
from the central candle in the auditorium at a local church.
Then our friend played ‘Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring’ on
the piano as my brother and I sang. It was the first time that
we had sung together since our sister Lissa was killed. It sounded
mournfully sweet yet glorious and beautiful in its own way.
I
spoke to the gathered families-
“I want to thank all of
you for taking this weekend out of your lives to come and be
with us. We share in your pain today
as we honor the lives of thirty creative and talented people
who died on September 11, 2001. They were living their life as
they did on any normal day, getting up out of bed, going about
their daily routines of getting dressed, eating breakfast, reading
the paper, walking out the door to catch the train for work and
take the elevator up to their offices for what would be the last
time.
I remember that my first reaction was shock, horror, disbelief,
and numbness. My next thought was of my brother- is he okay?
Is he here in the U.S., is or is he somewhere else? For several
days I would not know the answer to my questions. Then Thursday
morning at 4am I received a call from him letting me know he
was alright, but that most of his co-workers were dead.
I remember
a feeling of overwhelming sadness coming over me as the memories
of a cold February night flooded back instantaneously
into my body. I would like to share that story with you today
so that you understand that I know something of the grief and
the sadness of which you now unfortunately enter.
My entire family
was flying back to Washington, D.C., from my brother’s
wedding in Orlando. It was a cold winter's night. We were on
the landing approach to National Airport when the
plane crashed into the Potomac River. It was severed into three
parts. Most of my family was in the back part but I was in the
middle section and my sister was a few more rows up in front.
Hers was the section that landed in the river. At the same time
as she was dying, I was fighting to survive. The river was cold,
the night dark, almost no stars. It was eerie.
For the first year
after her death I refused to believe she was dead. I walked thru
life in a state of shock, numbness and
disbelief. I could not imagine living in this world without my
sister. For 34 years of my life I had walked the planet as a
twin. Although we had different interests, talents, friends we
still were extremely close. So close that we bought a house together
in central California that we shared as married couples until
the untimely deaths of our spouses.
For many years I refused to
believe that she was dead. I kept thinking that she was just
playing a sick joke on her sister
and that at some point she would walk back in the door and say ‘ha
ha fooled ya!’
Two summers ago, with the support of my brothers,
I finally had the courage to clean out her room in the house
that we had
shared. Somehow it was easier to go through her things with my
brothers but it took me a long time to get to that point of acceptance
that she is really gone.
I'm not here to give you false hope that
everything will be alright. It may not be that way for a very
long time, if ever.
Don't be alarmed or ashamed if you feel absolutely numb at this
memorial service. I felt numb at my sisters’. I went through
the motions of the day and I felt absolutely nothing. I was numb
as could be. I was numb for most of the next four years of my
life. Nothing felt right, nothing gave me peace.
When I finally
unfroze myself four years later I began to realize that I could
no longer live the life I had been living, working
for my brother or working in the hospital. The journey of my
life took a new twist of honoring my sister by using my creative
gifts of quilting, sewing, music, and working with children as
the center of my life.
Don't be afraid if nothing feels right
for you. It probably won't feel right for a long time. It's okay
if you don't go thru
your husbands’, brothers’, fathers’ things
right away. It will wait until the time is right for you. Don't
let people tell you that you should be thru your grief already.
It doesn't work that way when someone is killed suddenly, without
warning, without time to accept the fact that the person you
loved won't walk into your life to make you laugh again. It takes
a very long time to walk through all the layers of grief from
the death of a person you loved, when they died long before their
walk on the planet should have ended. It isn't fair. It isn't
right. If you are angry with the events of the last two weeks
you have every right to be angry, mad, and sad all rolled together.
The
reason I told you the story of Lissa is to show you that one
day you will be alright again. I just don't know when it
will be for you. It might be a long time from now until you feel
joy at the memory of that person or able to look at the calendar
when the birthdates or death date rolls around. For eight years
I have not been able to celebrate my birthday on that date. I've
done it in July instead of May.
Next year I plan to honor my birthday
and my sisters birthday on our day in May. It hasn't been an
easy road nor an easy journey
back into the comfort of celebrating my birthday when it comes
around. As I make the choice to celebrate our birthday on its
date I choose to honor her in a way that would make her proud
of me. Perhaps that is the only gift that we can give each other
as a way to heal ourselves from the tragic day of September 11,
2001, a day that none of us will ever forget. Our lives forever
changed by tragedy.
As I end my portion of the service I want
to play a song for you from a very special tape that was made
for me by a friend
of mine, Michael Stillwater, entitled She's Watching Over You.
I believe each of us has a guardian angel watching over us protecting
us from danger. What I know is that my sister still talks to
me often. Especially on the windiest nights of the year or the
stormiest ones. It's her way of letting me know she is still
here, watching over me.”
Later we introduced the concept behind
Graceful Passages, and that this would be a gift to each of
the families that had touched
our lives over the 15 years of the company’s existence.
After the service we had dinner for all of the families- about
150 people. I usually hate crowds but I found the time went by
easily without effort, by being able to share with others my
own experiences of loss. I found myself healing levels of grief
within myself that I didn't know still had to be healed.
As I
went around talking with the families I gave them each a copy
of Graceful Passages. I flew home to LA after spending
a few extra days with my brother and his family, grateful in
knowing I had fought thru the door of fear, emerging into the
light on the other side of the tunnel.
E.C.
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Graceful Passages in Personal Transformation
When my seven-year-old
daughter and I were meditating one late afternoon to the 'Music" Disc of Graceful Passages, she
began to weep uncontrollably after about twenty minutes. Once
I was able to calm her down to discuss her reaction to the meditation
she said, " This must be the music that God listens to." S.S.
Graceful
Passages was a great help to me, because I was at one of those
hard times in life. I am thankful you have put these
two CDs together. They were very interesting to listen to. I
loved listening to Ram Dass, Arun & Sunanda Gandhi and the
music. I'm really surprised how wonderful the writing is. The
music especially soothed my soul of all hatred.
Sincerely,
Robin Marcus
Age 11
· · · · · · · · · ·
Something happens to me when I listen to Graceful Passages that
I do not fully understand. The music is beautiful and the poetry
is touching and profound. And, the effects go deeper than words.
I will listen again and again for healing, inner peace and comfort.
There is something life-affirming and encouraging about this
recording. There is honor for the work we do as human beings
struggling through what some have called the swamp. There is
compassion for our weariness and the acknowledgement that letting
ourselves be loved is not easy.
D.R.
· · · · · · · · · ·
Graceful Passages is an exquisite out pouring of tenderness,
warmth and comfort. Even though the "big death" is
on the distant horizon for me the messages are a great aid
in the everyday process of letting go. Somehow the music and
the
words work together, to return me to a spiritual center where
the concerns of the world are put into right perspective.
I've
listened to it 7 or 8 times this week. The first time, I wept
all the way through - a soft , gentle kind of weeping,
mostly because the kind of beauty expressed in this music is
still a rare thing in this world.
L. C.
· · · · · · · · · ·
I have now listened to the entire CD and it is wonderful - for
melting grief and for focusing life. I'm very grateful to you
for giving it to me. The music is evocative, tender, slightly
mournful without being maudlin, pensive, and uplifting in a bittersweet
sort of way. Truly a work of art. The quotes are really inspiring
and having listened to both CD's through to the end I now plan
to listen to the one with the talking a quote at a time - so
I can let them sink in.
S.H.
· · · · · · · · · ·
All week I had somehow been setting up that I would have
today free, not knowing why. I now know why as I just had
a very profound
experience....I sat with Graceful Passages, listening to the
music and words and reading along. I had started just listening
as I did things around my house, but it soon called me to my
full attention. As I listened and cried and listened and cried,
I felt the culmination of all I have studied for so many years
come together in this incredible work. It has touched me in
a way that I believe has lifted me to the next level of my
growth
and consciousness. It is as simple as living every day as if
it were the last in form. Allowing our OWN INNER spirit to
give us that final guidance. Your presentation of the teachings
of
how to LIVE life in this way has powerfully penetrated my ego
defenses.
(Earlier) I was somewhat resistant to Graceful Passages
(we always resist that which we need the most) and had not
listened
or more importantly EXPERIENCED it. I believe my understanding
of the gift it holds could have helped in making it available
to more. But I accept that all is perfect. And the gift to me
is profound! I have also heard from others that they received
healing and benefit from the celebrations and several have told
me they are in touch with you , so I am pleased. I always know
that the few comments are just the tip of the iceberg and that
many more ripples are spreading even now.
As God's servant, I
trust that if I am to help you with what I now see as one of
the most important works that I have ever
seen or experienced, it will be shown.
In Love, Light, & Gratitude
M.B.
· · · · · · · · · ·
Hi Gary and Michael:
I have tears of joy streaming down my
cheeks, a deep love in my heart and profound gratitude in
my soul for what you have
accomplished in the magnificent production of the final package
that is Graceful Passages. Many times in our lives we hear of
great ideas that for some reason never make it to the light of
day. Other times, we see great ideas that unfortunately fail
in their execution. In Graceful Passages we have the exquisite
grace of an inspired and deeply felt spiritual idea manifested
in form emanating musical and vocal vibrations that penetrate
the heart and soul of the listener. Every detail from the musical
tapestry to the soulful lyrics to the beautiful package is worthy
of accolades and awards. Your work is a wonderful expression
of the idea that God is in the details. I hope you will enter
your CD package in design and music competitions so that your
peers may see an example of soulful right livelihood in action.
It is obvious that you are both doing exactly the work you came
to do-serving humanity musically.
I am honored to know you both
and to have lent my support to your brilliant project that
I know is simply the first step on
a healing musical journey that will benefit both the living and
the dying. I also know when the time arrives for my transition,
I will be listening to Graceful Passages and silently thanking
you both for being part of the moment of sacred transition from
form to formless. I also plan to give Graceful Passages to each
person I know facing not only their death but the powerful life
transitions when surrender is the only answer.
May you and your
work receive the acceptance and acknowledgment of the music industry
and millions of people around the world
who may be touched by Graceful Passages and the many future collaborative
efforts you undertake in the name of sacred healing of the human
heart and soul.
Eternal blessings,
J.H.
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